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Sparks America - June 2003
I had never been to Sparks America before and with all the good things that I had heard, I had to check it out. Good thing too ... it happened to be the weekend of my 1st summer session finals and let me tell you ... I was ready to hit the road and blow off some steam. My riding buddies had reasons why they couldn't go on Friday although one got to come out Saturday and still managed to have an excellent time ...
The rally is a 4 day rally with events scheduled Thursday through Sunday ... the tickets are 30 bucks which I thought was a little high but ... since it was 4 days with a big name entertainer and $1 beer tents ... the price was reasonable ...
The ride over would have been great except for 2 things. First of all I was pulling a trailer behind my Road King and stupid me packed the cooler at the front of the trailer. I thought "Hey, put a little weight on the tongue" ... it was a good plan except that with the ice and beer and other shit it was a little too much tongue weight and it made the front end a little squirrelly at 80 ~ 85 ... and worse than that ... the cooler was a nice flat surface just behind my loudass pipes which reverberated sound right back at me ... I like loud pipes and all that but after 4 hours, it was getting real old. The second thing, which is really nothing, but pissed me off at the time was this redneck asshole in a piece of shit pick-up who flipped me off at a gas station in Chandler ... I thought that he was waving all friendly like and then noticed that I was getting the 1 finger salute ... I was going to pull in there and ask him what his damn problem was and then thought " Fuck him ... I want to have some fun this weekend" ... spending time in jail would have blown the whole bike weekend titties-n-beer Karma thing ...
The campground is easy to find off of 18B and it was a little weird driving up into someone's driveway and then going between his barns to get to the campground. Then it opened up into this huge site. Very impressive facility ... lots of trees (get there early if you go because the "forest" fills up first) ... a swimming pond ... showers (with curtains) ... lots o' porta potties ... big vendor area ... nice stage ... and a huge open area. There were a shit load, maybe 10,000, people there and there was room for lots more ...
I was going to camp by Mindy and crew but couldn't find them in the crowd ... duh! No era un problema ... I found a camp site in short order (no, not in the nice shade providing trees) ... and set up camp ...
That done, I went looking for anyone I might know and photo ops ... it took about 2 minutes and this naked chick comes by on the back of a bike and ... voila .. my first pics and I was off and running ...
I spent the rest of Friday chilling out and photographing and visiting. I had a nice chat with the Pictureman picking up a few tips on photographing the ladies and discussing the idiots running around with disposable cameras and yelling "Hey ... show me your tits"! Now this should come naturally to most men and I'm sure it does ... but ... there is this small cadre of nitwits, numbskulls, and twits who think that this (or some iteration thereof) is the magic phrase to ... voila ... make the shirt fly up. If you are in this thankfully small group ... here's a tip ... stop doing that ... ask politely and generally you shall receive ... and if you don't receive ... the lady is not a bitch ... OK? If you do receive, then thank her ... ahhhhhhhhh what a concept.
Anyway, getting off of my soapbox ... the contest Friday night was pretty good ... for the large $$$$ (over $1000) to be divided up between the 3 top ladies I figured there'd be more contestants ... but the ones who competed were enthusiastic and put on a good show ... my favorite didn't place but oh well ...
I'm not a late night party kind of guy so about 1:30 it was ZZZZZZZ time ....
Saturday was a good day ... except for the heat (is it supposed to be hot in Oklahoma at the end of June? Really?). There were the usual biker games and also various contests to get the women out of their clothes that I somehow managed to miss in my efforts to stay out of the heat ... I finally ended up going into Chandler for 2 hours and sitting in a Stop-n-Rob sipping frozen drinks of some sort while soaking up their a/c. Worked though ... I was rejuvenated. There were some kick ass bands playing various types of music and they even had a second stage set up in the vendor area ... way cool. At one point they had a tape playing over the sound system on the main stage of some hillbilly signing AC/DC in ... of course ... hillbilly style ... funny shit. The bike show was large ... maybe 30 or so rides ... some real high dollar bikes that came over on trailers and some righteous old iron that was ridden in ... there were enough categories to satisfy everyone ... even a few for rice burners ... lots of other shit too ... some guy with all these snakes, lots of skinny dipping, The Ride magazine as well as another one had tents ... and more shit ...
I finally ran into my bud as he had gotten there around 6 P.M. ... late assed as usual ... he immediately hit the beer tent and was drinking 2 fisted ... hey, at $1 a beer you can catch up pretty quickly ...
The main entertainment for Saturday night was David Allen Coe ... all I will say is that he has a lot of excellent songs ... he really didn't sing them ... at least all the way through ... I think he actually sang 1 song from start to finish ... and the concert was short at just over 1 hour ... all you D.A.C. fans can like be cool and not email me a bunch of shit about my less than enthusiastic opinion of the concert ... I've seen him 3 times and I guess I'm just not a fan of his live concerts ...
One thing I noticed that I liked was that the staff did not seem have attitudes ... it's dicked up when as soon as you arrive at a rally you are met with attitude from the guys at the gate (business tip for those kinda folks ... the people coming in are customers ... not a hard concept). The rally was well run and they even sprayed water on the dirt road which is the last mile or so of the trip to try and keep the dust down ... I appreciated that and I think that others did too) ...
There was of course a skin-to-win contest Saturday night and a "Show your Dick" contest put on for the ladies ... no I didn't take any pictures ... I guess that I wouldn't have been totally adverse to the idea (in the interest of "fairness") but my batteries were running low and that show was before the skin-to-win contest. I figured that most visitors to this site would rather see the girls ... natch! Here's a tip for the guys ... if you have dickey-do disease (belly sticks out WAY farther than your dick does) ... don't get on stage ... was some funny shit though and I'll be the first to admit that the contestants had bigger balls than I do, at least figuratively ...
If you have read this far you are probably getting tired of my shit so I'll leave you with my recommendation for this rally ... excellent facility ... cool staff ... excellent party ... worth the effort ... I believe they have another rally in October ...
Enjoy the pics ...
